No place I’d rather be than in the calm, serene, shoreside town. My town. My home. Mtwapa.Where my soul is at its best state of rest. No place I can possibly imagine would best replace this feeling I have when I’m there. Anyways, enough of that already. The place is not in heaven or a European country. In my stay for all those years, I’ve experienced some really fucked up stuff, but there’s one: this one that is still in memory and I bet it will stick in me forever. I just remember it and I don’t know whether to laugh, or just pity my sorry ass altogether.
I remember that particular happening. I don’t remember the exact year, month and date, but I remember my age. I was four years old, about to turn five in a couple of months. So yeah, it’s a very, very, long, long time ago, considering the fact that I’m almost marrying and soon my first born child, a son I hope, will follow after. Wait a minute, I’m just kidding. By the way it hurts like hell knowing that your future wife is currently being banged mercilessly by some horny senior year campus student who has also been fucked up by a cat he had no clue about. Please, I beg, go easy on her. Damn, life is a bitch right!
So, as I was saying, I was a four year old little boy. The time was around 7:30 pm and I was just chilling at home, you know, as any normal kid would do. With the TV remote on my hands, switching from Nickelodeon to Disney Tv : those days when missing your favourite cartoon was a nightmare on top of nightmares. The horror was unbearable I tell you. What are you going to tell your friends when you link up the next day? The way you will be laughed at,it was just unbearable. And that, my dear friends, was the origin of stress as we know it today. So there I was, watching my favourite cartoon. Then I hear my name being called in the kitchen, My older sister, Lucy. How I used to hate her those days. The moment I hear her calling my name, it’s like if I was basking along the glorious shores of the Indian Ocean, then a second later, a thick cloud full of thunderstorms form above me, dropping hailstones, huge drops of rain, thunder and lightning smashing along my face, all at the same time. I knew she was about to send me to some God forsaken shop to buy a God forsaken cooking ingredient she had surprisingly “forgotten “. So I angrily throw the remote – not on the ground of course. No matter how angry I was, that would simply be a good way of telling my mother “Kindly beat the shit out me. Please.” The remote landed safely on the smooth sofa and I went to hear what she has to say. I was unceremoniously handed over a one thousand shilling note and “Go give this to the gas supplier guy. The tall one. Tell him it’s me ” were the words that came out of her mouth. Really Sis! I know you have a crush on the nigga, but must you use me to convey your info! She just thinks I’m a dumb, clueless nigga. Well joke’s on you.
So I rush out, as quickly as I possibly can. Deliver the goods and get the fuck back as quickly as possible. That was my motto. Beind the sreetsmart Lil nigga I was, shortcuts were my favorite thing back in the days. I had the entire map of Mtwapa at the back of my head. I reach the gas shop, give the guy -aka my sister’s crush the money and begin heading back home. I have a cartoon to catch up with for heaven’s sake. It would feel like missing your wife’s delivery of your first born child. Out of nowhere, I feel this tight grip on my left hand. I instantly break -actually the brake was automatic. Iook at the hand. Who the fuck could this be. Probably my aunt who lives around the block or a mother who knows me. I look at her face and my mind simply blows away. This woman, a total stranger whom I have never met in my life, is tightly holding my hand. And the way she is dressed, Oh my goodness!. From her hand which is full of bangles, and her breasts which were shamelessly hanging from a thin bra-less top. What the fuck!!! Her face, Jesus Christ!! Layer upon layer of endless make up. I try to break free from her grip buy it was too tight. So I’m there looking at her like ” Bitch what the fuck do you want from me!! ” I’m thinking that, not saying of course. Then as if she reads my mind, she places her hand on one of her breasts and begins fondling it. “Naeza kusaidia”. Those were her exact words, I still remember upto date. She proceeds by licking her lips in a round motion and blinking endessly. You have no idea how fast my heat was beating at the moment. I was in full panic mode. Then it bumped into me. She is one of those women Dad warned me about! She is a hoe!! Then she’s asking me if she can help me. Help me with what actually. Of all the growe ass men walking past her, she sees me. Me!!. A four year old boy. I even don’t know how my own fucking dick works, and you are telling me to help you! With what. Can’t you see virgin written all over my face, and my body, height, weight, my panicking, my everything actually.Jeez. I slowly slide my hand into my back pocket and slowly grab it. Being the devout Catholic I was, my rosary was with me at all times, and I clearly recalled what the Father said one Sunday morning, “Whenever you spot the devil, it will be your greatest weapon.” True to those words, I was face to face with the Devil’s biological mother. I was wishing I had more rosaries to counter her demonic influence. I try as quickly as possible to recall all the prayers and sermons taught to us and arranging them strategically hoping to unleash unto her one by one until she lets go of my hand.
And the rest is history…